Life’s Impact: Why Fathers Are Needed, Especially For Their Daughters

African American Girl Kissing Her Father

My story:

I was recently in the car with my mom having one of our everyday conversations about whatever comes to mind. As we were driving, I felt overwhelmed with emotion about how much she has sacrificed for me from childhood to now.  The more I felt thankful for her the more it reminded me that my dad had barely done anything in life for me; I’m not talking financially either. I’m speaking of having little to no connection with him growing up.

I’m a child of the 80’s. My dad was a master mechanic back then, very bubbly guy, outgoing, and there wasn’t a person he met that didn’t like him. He was also weak-minded to some extent. He was introduced to drugs, and his introduction became his habit. His habit took over his life, and he abandoned his family. Although my mom shielded me from what he knew as “life,” she never hid the fact that he was a drug user and cautioned us of his behavior.

Fast forward through a couple years and I noticed a pattern in my personality. I had NO respect for men. I only loved my brothers, grandfathers, and uncles. I eventually started dating in my senior year of high school. I was consumed with hatred at times. I felt my father didn’t love me, and why should any other guy. Yet, I still wanted to date.

It wasn’t until later on in life when I realized, I was still hurt by my father’s display of love to me. I was treated well, and at times I felt I didn’t deserve the things that were given to me. I didn’t trust that a guy wouldn’t abandon me, just like my dad. I viewed every guy like he was my dad. Every guy that I encountered, I had some way of linking his personality to my dad. What a drawback to life!!

I held on to these emotions for YEARS! I had hatred in my heart for my dad because I felt he chose drugs over ME! I had to come to the realization that this was a disease. However, he chose this disease. He chose to abandon me. He chose not to get help. He chose to keep intermittent contact with me even after overcoming his addiction. That was like a dagger in my heart.

One day, I was able to muster up enough courage to tell him how much of an impact he had on my life. How much pain I had in my heart for years. Finally, after all the years of pain, which no one could help me with, except him, I felt FREE!

So why did I tell such a personal story? It’s to the mothers out there that have children, especially daughters and the dad isn’t around to let them know that life can and will be great. Don’t harbor resentment and hatred in your heart. My mom did any and everything for me, and although my dad had become a deadbeat, she didn’t want me to frown upon him. She wanted me to be happy and move on. Something I wouldn’t do.

I encourage you to speak with your children, explain to them that even if they don’t feel they deserve the world, they absolutely DO!!

I commend the fathers and step-fathers that step up to the plate of raising their children. It’s a job like no other. A dad is the first guy a little girl looks up to and sets the foundation of life. Let your daughters know, you are beautiful and well deserving of everything life has to offer and when you’re down, get back up and push forward.

Loving my DID’s,

Dree Bo




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